Thursday, December 1, 2011

Change is inevitable

This week I have been nervous, scared, and downright queasy at times...all leading up to one thing: seeing someone I haven't seen in over 6 years. I wasn't sure what to expect and despite my best efforts knew I couldn't plan or control the outcome. In the weeks leading up to this I have heard varying responses but mostly the negative ones. The ones from people who remember my tears and anger...who only really heard my side.

I learned this week that it can be an ugly eye opener when you have the opportunity to look back on past events with a more unbiased eye...when you can evaluate your actions and reactions. Sometimes you don't like what you see. I kept it all...everything that happened. The idea was to use it as a weapon and then when I gave up the anger and the hurt it just sat there...unopened, unread, collecting dust...until this week anyway. I began re-reading all the emails, all the conversations, all the blog was an ugly situation all around. I think I was most surprised by how ugly I could get...I didn't realize I had that in me and am sure hoping it was simply a lack of maturity that I was able to be that way. I don't plan to make excuses for anything either of us said or did, but I now realize that I said and did many more mean things than I was willing to admit at the time.

Thank goodness for change that is inevitable. I can look back to a few years ago and pinpoint when that change started to occur. I was sitting in the "Breaking Free" Bible Study at church, listening about letting go of the things that keep us in bondage. I came to a realization during that study that my anger and resentment was on of those things. I resolved to let it go and thankfully had the encouragement of the much wiser women in the group as I started that journey. Now almost 2 years later I think it has paid about an hour my daughter will meet her father for the first time. And for the first time since before she was born, we have been able to talk without arguing and have now been in the same room for 4 hours without killing each other, lol.

I don't think we should ever forget the past, things happen for a reason...maybe to teach us and help us grow. Without what we went through, I don't think I would have changed in the ways I needed to in order to be the person I am today. Likewise, I cannot repay the damage I inflicted anymore than he can. What we can do from this point is take the time to get to know each other now and be careful to treat each other the best we can. I know I have changed in the last 6 years and suspect that he probably has too. So here we are...the beginning of the weekend...we all now have the chance to get to know each other and start fresh.

I keep thinking back on the song "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North...and thanking God that:

"You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved."

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Fall...and with it, Maddie's Eaglette Debut

Fall...aka Football season has hit the Smith Family. It has become tradition these last few years to attend as many of the Heritage Eagles football games as possible...and with a new Kindergartner at the school it is even more important this year to cheer on our favorite team! For her part, Maddie has decided to become an "Eaglette" cheerleader and will be cheering with the high school cheerleaders at the home games. Last night was her first night and oh what a night to start!

The game was awesome..the team played their rival the Marble Falls Faith Academy Flames. Now..a little history of this rivalry..they've played for 6 years now and they call the game the "Battle for the Rock". The rock is, well...literally a rock..a shined up piece of granite to be exact. The rock is also more than that piece of granite as it is also a reminder that both schools strive to build their "houses" on Christ the Rock and Redeemer.

Heritage was the keeper of the granite rock for 4 years straight and then last year, in a heart-breaking 3 point loss, they lost the rock. But this year the boys were ready to fight for it...and they did! If you don't know 6-man football you may not know that in this version of the game there is a "mercy rule" where if, after half-time, either team is ahead by more that 45 points the game is ended. Well the Heritage boys fought hard in the first half and ended the game with 6 minutes left of the 8 minute 3rd quarter!! And the cheerleaders were right there to celebrate every moment!

Now some, including myself, were a bit skeptical about having cheerleaders for the first time this year. But I have to say I am very proud of those girls. They have worked hard to actually learn the rules of the game AND they actually pay attention so that their cheers are appropriate to whats going on!! Besides that they look and sound really good (not at all like you'd expect a first year squad to look). And they are such sweet girls with a heart for the younger girls who are cheering with them, like Miss Maddie.

So anyway...back to last night's debut... Here's my little Eaglette waiting patiently for her turn to cheer...She was sitting with all of her new friends and fellow Eaglettes watching the high school cheerleaders and waiting for half-time so they could cheer. I cant believe how many girls are involved--easily 15 or more!! And many of them from the Kindergarten class... was their turn to cheer with the high school girls. They lined up all the Eaglettes in the center of the field for a special cheer. Maddie did soooo great!! She loved every minute of her time in the spotlight!! And she knew all the words (we've been practicing them daily for the last few days).

And her favorite part of the whole night?? Hanging out with the "Eagle"...whom she was surprised to see was really a girl in costume, lol.

We are so excited for Fall weekends, as they are a special time of the year. And with the weather cooling off just a tad (92 instead of 102) we are enjoying them even more now.

I hope you all are enjoying your Fall weekends too!!